Everyone dreams of becoming a doctor, a pilot or a teacher as a kid. And as they grow up, they work hard towards achieving this goal. But if you a girl of an Indian society, then this would always remain a dream. Sad, isn’t it?.

In many families even today a girl child is considered as a burden that needs to be done away with. Many still feel that women should take care of the family while the man should be the bread-winner. Majority of the girls struggle hard against odds to go to schools and colleges, to create a place for themselves in society. But their happiness is short lived. Can you imagine how a women would feel when the first condition the groom’s family puts forth is that the lady should not go to work after marriage? This is what we are talking about today.

Forced Domestication of Women

In our traditionally patriarchal society forceful domestication takes many forms

  1. From a very young age girls are brought up to take care of the family. In some heart wrenching cases they are told they can study as long as they get married and any further decision would be taken by the husband.
  2. In many cases the male chauvinist ego takes a beating to send the woman in the house to work. He would rather keep her at home even if she is capable to supporting the family very well. A very famous dialogue goes “Mei Kamata Hu Na, Tumhe Kya Zaroorat Hai”
  3. Finally, there are these in-laws who feel that a working daughter-in-law is not appropriate for their image in the society and their famous dialogue is “Log Kya Kahenge”

So how does this affect the women?

Not allowing anyone to do what they want can create a resentment in the self concept as well as it can strain relationships to a great extent.

But imagine not even having the freedom to dream. That is what many women go through India. Most of the times they undergo severe depression. With no person to reach out to, they lose hope and lead a monotonous life with kids and family. A girl who used to love challenges and met deadlines super efficiently now gets up in the morning to cook and clean and follow the same routine every day.

Let’s what happens when women are forcefully made to stay at home and are subjected to these kinds of treatment over a period of time.

  1. Mood Swings: Due to the depression and unhappiness, they would snap at even the slightest provocation. This can be a real danger for family relations.
  2. Isolation from family and friends: many women start avoiding company of both family and friends. They seek isolation to avoid their preconceived notion of humiliation. They move into a shell cutting themselves out from the outside world. Sometimes they even do so to not be compared from what they said before marriage and what they are actually doing.
  3. Depression and anxiety: These two words would be actually under rating their feelings. They go through much more than that. Without a means to let out their feelings the depression could lead to greater physical and mental issues and even lead to suicide.
  4. Suicidal tendencies: Our research says 1 in every 5 forcefully domesticated women thinks of committing suicide because they feel worthless and hopeless in life. This is probably the last and the most extreme stage of depression due to forced domesticating.

If you are a father, brother or husband please understand and consider the women as an individual. If she wants to stay at home give her that space but if she wants to work, give her the freedom to dream and the wings to achieve that dream. Let her walk with you shoulder to shoulder. Be proud her achievement. Be the reason for the happiness in the eyes of your daughter, sister and wife.

Handling Peer Pressure! An Art to be Learnt.

Do you feel that you do end up doing things which your friends insist you to, even when you don’t want to? Do you easily get carried away with the activities they do without thinking about the consequences of it? Then there is a chance that you are facing peer pressure trauma! Calm down teens! It’s totally normal, but surely not right! Let’s get this sorted!

            Peer pressure occurs in all age groups but is mostly seen in teenagers. It is majorly assumed to have a negative impact on one’s behavior and lifestyle but it also affects positively if you’re a part of a healthy peer group. A kind of pressure to act in certain ways and do something just to be accepted among your peers is peer pressure. It’s the fear of being left alone or being different from the crowd that drives us to act in such a manner. Maybe that fear, being felt by everyone in your peer group makes everyone vulnerable and act or behave in the same way. So, it’s the kind of influence that peer pressure has on you which decides to make or mar your life. Now it’s obvious if it is affecting you negatively, should you let it continue? Certainly not!

            Well, I can understand you get pissed off when your Mom gives you frequent lectures for staying away from those ‘mischievous friends’ or when your Dad tells you to score good marks like ‘Sharmaji ka beta’. Both situations include involvement of peers and both are for your betterment, but then it’s upto you to decide whether to still accompany the ‘mischievous’ gang of friends or be the one like ‘Sharmaji ka beta’. You even might have been asked to take a puff of cigarette for fun by your friends assuming it as something like an act of heroism or ‘being cool’ according to them. That moment is a peer pressure moment for you where you are in a dilemma whether to take that puff or just refuse by saying no! That’s exactly peer pressure! Now if you are constantly facing this, then I have something to help you set things right.

            Here are five ways to overcome peer pressure:

  1. Learn to say “NO”!

                        You have to make a habit of saying ‘NO’ to things which you know are wrong.

  • Know the “WHY”.

                        Before you act like your peers, ask yourself “Why am I doing it?” Is it improving you or hampering you?

  • Have control over your emotions.

                        At start, it might feel difficult to have control over your emotions but once you make your mind, you will be able to do that

  • Don’t imitate him/her.

                        Don’t try to imitate your friend’s style. It might be anything like dressing sense, hairstyle, speech etc. Just choose what suits you the most and not your friend. Moreover, the trends they follow should not bother you at all.

  • Have the businessman’s mindset.

                        Be a bit selfish or self loving.Now that doesn’t mean you shouldn’thelp others but you should do only those things which benefit and improve you.Like all peers in your group might binge watch Netflix every weekend, but constructive is it?

            So these were the five actions which will surely help you to overcome peer pressure trauma. Do follow them consistently and notice the good changes in you.

image courtesy : http://www.bbc.co.uk

Saving Your Child from the Porn Industry Trap

Having a child is truly a blessing, but it comes with a full-time responsibility. The society we live in frames having ‘The Talk’ with our parents as uncomfortable and awkward. Where it should be very easy. Talking to your parents about your insecurities, issues, and queries is essential. Otherwise, we advance as a highly misguided community.

Sex education is vital for your child and you should not build walls around you, hindering the relationship with your child to make it hard talking about it. Wherever we live in, sex education should not be a taboo topic. The young adult generation, not having any guidance from their parents are easily misled. This has led to a large part of the young generation becoming astray and getting into the trap of porn industry. The main aim should be normalizing sex education. You wouldn’t want your child to know vital realities through the wrong resources. Sex education encourages your children to reach to you with questions.

Before diving into the issue, I would also like to share a research that I conducted a while ago about how porn viewing can affect the mental health of adolescents and the results were nearly shocking. I could see it makes them more aggressive, less confident of their own bodies and the adolescents who are exposed to porn are the major victims of body image dissatisfaction.

How to start the conversation?

People already have portrayed that talking about sex is awkward and not the conversation to have with parents. It is even more difficult to talk about pornography and its harmful fate. No parent wants their children to fall into the trap of such a field and if you want the same, you first need to work on your communication skills with your children.

You need to contemplate their age and then decide how to discuss the topic and how much in-depth you need to be. It is very evident that you cannot share graphic specifications with your child if he/she is at a very young age.

To be able to talk about pornography, first and foremost as a parent, you need to build a certain level of trust. Your child must trust you. They should find it easy to talk to you about things, rather than running away from you. Open communication culture in your house is the key. It won’t come in a day, but you need to slowly and steadily work towards it.

Guiding your children

The most beneficial way of preventing your child from falling into the traps of the porn industry is to talk about how objectifying it is. Your children must be told that sex is something natural for us humans. It is a beautiful reality that is objectified by porn in a derogatory way. As a parent, you need to explain the difference between the two for them to think what is right and wrong.

You need to tell how pornography is revolting and unnatural. Telling them what it is and how destructive it can be for whoever falls from it. You might be at a loss for words when it comes to talking about this, but you have to fight for your children, and this is the most direct and safe way to prevent them from turning themselves into that field.

You should explain how many lives of people are destroyed who fall into its shackles. People are being compelled to do drugs and coming into the radar of people wanting to hurt them. How pornography turns people into animals and exposes them to the evil eyes.

Is it really possible to save your child from it?

It is a difficult road but Yes, it is possible if you fight hard enough. This issue doesn’t require a shining armor. You can only fight it by talking to your children after gaining their trust and confidence. The most useful source of prevention is the type of relationship with your children and your spouse.

All they need is a positive atmosphere and a happy home to successfully deviate themselves from the harmful world.

FRIEND-SH*T OR FRIEND-SHIP?

10 WAYS TO ENSURE IF YOU ARE IN A HEALTHY FRIENDSHIP!

            Friendships have always been a beautiful and sacred part of everyone’s life. When we all have been constantly advised by our parents to keep a good company and make good friends, the reason behind it, like mentioned in the previous article, is the huge impact or influence that our friends have upon us. At some or the other stage in our life we face the challenge to find real friends.

            You might trust your so called ‘BFF’ to a great extent but you have to ensure that their friendship is healthy and brings out the best in you. There are many ups and downs in a friendship. There are chances that your childhood friend may deceive you but the person you unexpectedly became friends with might become your most loyal friend. At the end, everyone is plain human. Now that being said, friends have the power to make or mar your life, it is necessary that you choose a healthy friendship if you want a companion who would bring the best in you. Now, if you are constantly worried about your friendship, if it is healthy or not then don’t worry!

            Here are ten ways to ensure if you are in a healthy relationship with your friends:

1) Your friend is always honest to you.

            This helps you trust your friend with your secrets and thus, have a confidential second opinion.

2) Your friend appreciates and celebrates your every success.

            Friends in a harmonious relationship always praise and celebrate even the smallest achievements.

3) Your friend doesn’t back stab you.

            Backstabbing is an act of a jealous and false friend. So be careful if you get to know from anyone if your companion ever backstabbed you. The real ones will never!

4) Your friend encourages you when you need it the most !

            The last time when you scored less in your Mathematics test, you remember the person who encouraged you to score good? Hold onto them! He/she is the one who can share a bond of healthy friendship with you.

5) Your goals are your friend’s too.

            People in a salubrious friendship hope the best for each other. You might have your aims and dreams to achieve, but the ones who help you turn them into reality are the real friends.

6) They don’t indulge and warn you from indulging in bad habits or practices.

            We all know smoking, drinking, drugs, stealing are all bad practices. If your companion supports these bad practices, then probably you are in a toxic relationship. Make a move!

7) They make you more productive.

            By making you realize the importance of time, your partner ensures that you are effective at work.

8) They bring out the best in your personality.

            These connections have a good impact over your behavior and character by habituating you to etiquettes and good habits.

9) They make you feel at home.

            Their company makes you feel stress free and alleviates your mood.

10) Healthy friendships last forever!

            Most of the salubrious attachments last long. Because people in such relations create so much affection about each other that their bond becomes stronger year by year.

            So these are the ten things which would help you to ensure if you are in a healthy friendship. Well, no one is totally perfect, but even if you find anyone fulfilling even a few of these, hold on to them.

            It’s not about how perfect your friend is, but how perfect your team is in complementing each other.

            Keep Growing!

Be Awake, Be Aware

New To The Term Mindfulness?

When your mind is fully attending to what is happening, to what you are doing, and to the space you are moving through, you are mindful! Yes, while this may sound odd, being awake and being aware of what you do every moment is mindfulness. Accepting your present or having a positive approach towards the present is practiced through this.

What are we trying to achieve by being mindful?

Mindfulness is like a knife. It has to be used regularly to continue to be sharp and useful in the long run. When you are mindful, you are more conscious of what you are doing, you are able to better control our emotions and most importantly we can keep stress at bay which is a real big boon in today’s face paced lifestyle.

Our brain in a very intricately designed machine. Scientists are still figuring out how things happen it this most complicated part of body. But remember this is also what keeps us going. A mindful approach is like instructing the brain to be conscious, aware and careful in whatever it does. You need start the act of mindfulness and soon without you even realizing it will become a practice.

How Does Mindfulness Help?

  • For A Working Person

With the rush of an hour in today’s world, employees are being asked to do more with less rest and long hours with an increasing workload that is heavy. We assume to be working efficiently, but if you see through the notion of mindfulness, your brain doesn’t do which is why you get exhausted.

After the approach of Mindfulness at work, you will

  • start skillfully analyzing your problems
  • develop resources that help you to predict and navigate your tough situations
  • provides you with the choice to deal with your  concerns
  • For A Housewife

We have studies and researchers proving women are more likely to experience the symptoms of stress and depression. They are also seen to undergo lot of changes within body and mind. However, with the mindfulness view, women can see the following attributes

  • Change in mind and brain processing
  • Increase in focus and sleep
  • Reduction of stress
  • Fights depression and improves lifestyle
  • For An Adolescent

Adolescent is probably the most stresses lot. Ask me why? Well they are the people who are undergoing the maximum changes in their lives both physically and emotionally. Most of the times they fail to recognize the stress and also fail to communicate to that to the elders in the family as well.  So it is not shocking that the latest surveys show that teens deal with maximum stress. This can be corrected with the techniques of mindfulness. It’s easy to be mindful with whatever you do. Anywhere and anytime. As teens, you can keep yourself mindful by

  • Keeping yourself engaged and be prepared to fight stress
  • Practicing breathing meditation techniques
  • Beat stress with music
  • Remember, no emotions last longer
  • For A Child

A mindful child is a happy child. He mindful kid would develop greater concentration and self-awareness. Also if the seeds if mindfulness are incorporated in early stages itself, as he grows up, he would be able to handle the stress and pressures of life in a much more mature manner. So these concepts are best taught when young.

The idea of mindfulness helps our children to develop skills and their awareness of their inner and outer experiences. With this, they get to understand how emotions manifest in their bodies. You will start recognizing a change and see how your kids start changing.

Hence Mindfulness has immense benefits for all. For life is meant to be enjoyed, be grateful, appreciate, and take advantage of every bit of happiness. If you find someone noticing that you seem to be a bit different, thank them and thank mindfulness!

A FOR ANXIETY, A FOR ALL IS WELL

Why do we feel stressed out often or at times?

  • A feel or emotion that makes you sad or which puts you under pressure to complete the task or work in a given period of time.
  • If we are not able to finish or complete a task within the time we may get stressed out. STRESS is an emotional feeling which pushes you in a positive way and motivate you to complete the set of work to be done.
  • But more often stress has negative effects which affects both our physical and mental stamina. You tend to get stressed when things don’t happen in the time you want it to happen, when things don’t go the way you want them to.
  • Anything that is not as per your expectation can cause stress. Being continuously under stress can be very harmful to the body and in extreme conditions it can lead to serious issues of heart.

What is ANXIETY?

Anxiety is a mental condition or feeling of nervousness, fear, anxious in work area. Stress created in the work atmosphere is the major cause for anxiety. Some common phobia also relates to anxiety. Excessive worries may also be a symptom of this condition. People may lack tactics of handling stressful situations which in turn cause anxiety. Practicing yoga and exercises regularly will control stress level. Doing meditation on a daily basis will also be helpful in controlling anxiety. Counseling sessions with any therapist is the best remedy in handling anxiety disorders.

  • Stress is not a disorder to cure or treat as it leads to anxiety one should be careful while they are put up in a stressful work atmosphere. In most cases medical treatment is not required for anxiety.
  • Medications are applicable for rare cases, like sedatives and antidepressant dosages are suggested by psychiatrist for this anxiety disorder.
  • Common symptoms stress and anxiety are
    • restlessness,
    • rapid or increased heart rate,
    • sleeplessness or insomnia etc.,

Some people may get to know about their anxiety problem by having these symptoms.

What do when you are anxious or stressed?

It is very important to recognize the earliest signs of anxiety and stress to be able to tackle it in the best possible manner. Many a time’s people find it difficult to accept that they are anxious or stressed. But please understand health comes first. Our mindsets need to change and we need to understand as well as make people around us understand that stress is as normal as a fever and needs just the right mental approach.

Here is a list of things you can do if you feel you are anxious or stressed

  • Counselling sessions: Talking to a therapist can many a times be very helpful. Just letting your emotions, anger, grudges, fear etc flow out of your body could be the easiest way out.
  • Avoid stress at work: As difficult as it may be avoid taking official things at a personal level. Do not worry too much about what, why and where of the office.
  • Lifestyle Changes: Sometimes the smallest change like an early morning walk can do wonders to your mood and energy levels. Pick up some positive lifestyle changes to live better and happier.
  • Healthy mind in a healthy body: Yes you got it right, keep your body healthy by following a good and nutritious diet, exercising regularly and avoiding junk foods. The body is your temple, treat it like that.
  • Break Out: You heard it right. Take a break. A monotonous life can make you vexed and stressed too. So make sure you spend quality time with friends and family. Travel to new places, explore new things and basically break out into new areas as often as you can.

Aamir Khan says “All is Well, All is well!” Believe me that really works. Whenever you feel stressed, take a deep breath, grab some fresh air and tell yourself everything will be fine. Do not let anxiety take over. You are your best defence. Use it well.

Is Suicide Really An Option?

A horrifying word that occurs to many minds now and often forms from seven dangerous letters- S-U-I-C-I-D-E. Many people find difficulty in coping up with life and its thorns. After several traumatic situations, he or she might ultimately take the impulsive decision of wanting to commit suicide. But should that be the first option?

Here’s the answer: IT IS NEVER AN OPTION! It is barely an easy alternative that has the most unsettling solution!

Look around you; the world is a beautiful place to live in and your life is much too valuable to succumb to negative emotions. With no intention of offending anyone’s feeling, you might think “What do they know? There’s nothing left to do!” But let me tell you, things only seem bigger when we look at it that way! The sad truth that you have no faith in you or in life is what is pushing your life to a dead end.  

Try thinking the other way around for a moment, and you might realise that you were reacting to a tiny fragment of your very sufficient life. Your problem may surely be a huge one, but there is no human problem, that cannot be solved by humans themselves. Your biggest enemy is your silence.

If you ever find yourself contemplating suicide, then you need to take a rain check with everything else you are doing, find the one person you trust the most, and blurt your emotions out. This slays out half of that will to end your life.

A remarkable way of beating this thought when alone is to practise the pause. Every time a thought similar to suicide occurs to you, pause for a moment, look back upon your life, remember the faces of your people, and then open your eyes; you will be surprised that your decision would have transformed into doing just the opposite.

There’s always a way you can alter that negative situation into a positive approach; write down every solution you can think of except suicide, and you will magically re-write your own fate by finding un-thought-of solutions for your trauma.

One cannot blame you; there are a few things that only you feel, and it is hard to believe that someone else understands the extent of it, I get that. I’m sure you did not plan on the landing where you are. Sometimes, these thoughts are also genetic or are born from other problems like sleep disorders or any other imbalance in your system. But be your own cuckoo clock, and shout out every time you think about it. There is NO shame in doing so; you are indeed doing something pride-worthy.

I am sure you know, that there are counsellors and therapists available to free you from your suicidal woes, but it all begins with self-help. Here are a few things you can try:

  • Don’t take an impulse decision. Give it a few days, and the tendency to commit suicide might find its way out when you don’t respond to it.
  • If you are spiritual, then indulge into reading books related to the same; visit a church or a temple.
  • Take a long walk, and think about every dream that you are yet left to achieve.
  • Get into the habit of writing a diary; there is no better way to let out your emotions than writing it.
  • Think about your family and how they would deal with it!
  • Visit a therapist
  • Lastly, as I said before, open up in front of someone you trust.
  • Join recreation classes like yoga, meditation, gym, dance, sing, music, sketching, painting, karate, etc. 

The more you start doing the above, the less deeper you will find your problems.

Always know that problems are only temporary and suicide is not a permanent solution. Believe in your heart, that if you have still been kept alive, then things can definitely change for the better. Don’t take matters about your life and death in your hands. Write this up and paste it in your room, and that my dear ones, is the first step to terminate suicidal thoughts.